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Old 07-03-2011, 12:53 AM   #1
Momto3
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My Mom

is passing probably this week-end. This has been so hard for me because we were never really close. See - I was a boo-boo discovered when Mom was packing to leave my father. Oops - don't need to pack those things cause Momma Nature hasn't visited in a while! She never let me forget that I was a mistake even telling me about 3 months ago that I should go find *my real Mother*. She was certain I was not her child. I heard that often. Nothing I ever did was good enough for my Mom. So we come to the end and I don't know how to feel. How do you grieve for someone who hated you for your very existence? My brother has counted my tears and the time I spend with her, the time I lose from work and deemed me a cold beeatch. Well I'm not a public crier and I have such mixed emotions with this situation that I don't know HOW to feel. If I've learned anything from this situation it's that someone else has no dang right to judge how a person reacts to something like this. Did I love my Mom? Yes. But for all my life she told me I didn't deserve, I was stupid, I did not count for crap. Unexpected child. My own Mother hated me. Nice way to grow up. Rest in peace Mom - I loved you in spite of yourself.
Sharon - Mom to Mozart, Monte, Merlin and Mylee! my boyz!
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Old 07-03-2011, 01:12 AM   #2
ann_hawes
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I certainly wouldn't judge you for anything you said, given the situation. I had a very strained relationship with my mother for years and years. Same stuff, she repeatedly told me when I was a child that she wished she had never had me, she wished I had died, etc. When she became old and feeble, I was able to put it aside and help her. Not to say that I would expect anyone else to be able to do the same. I'm glad it happened that way for me, but it was just circumstances that brought it about, not any real determination on my part.
Do you suppose these things molded us to do rescue? To take the side of the castaways?

Silence is golden,
Duct tape is silver.
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Old 07-03-2011, 02:56 AM   #3
BetterDog4U
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No amount of words can express how I feel about this post. I'm sorry that you and your mom never were able to resolve the issues you had. I dont think its fair to you that she expressed resentment toward you. But rest assured that you are a great person and we all respect you very much.

My fealing is: that as long as you can come to terms with your loss, you are the only one that counts. You can talk until you are blue in the face, so just explain it to your family once and let that be the end of it.

I wish you all the best, always!

Ann, to answer your question, I think it's VERY possible!!!
- Michael -



Full of Life ... and Herself - Visit PATCHS' Website
Loving Friend & Faithful Companion - Visit NEKA's Memorial Website
My Little Buddy for 15+ Years - Visit CHIP's Memorial Website
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Old 07-04-2011, 11:41 PM   #4
Momto3
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Mom passed away today/
Sharon - Mom to Mozart, Monte, Merlin and Mylee! my boyz!
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Old 07-05-2011, 02:32 AM   #5
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I'm sorry for your loss and I am sorry that you were not able to resolve anything before she died so that you may move forward. I always found writing in a journal helped me with many mixed emotions I've had for different problems, I've always found it helps, you might try that for awhile to help you sort out your emotions regarding your mom....I hope you find something to help you greive
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:35 AM   #6
BetterDog4U
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I'm sorry for your loss!
- Michael -



Full of Life ... and Herself - Visit PATCHS' Website
Loving Friend & Faithful Companion - Visit NEKA's Memorial Website
My Little Buddy for 15+ Years - Visit CHIP's Memorial Website
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Old 07-05-2011, 06:57 AM   #7
k9mania
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I am so sorry for your loss. I have always had a strained relationship with my parents. I think that as long as we know that we have done our best to not make such relationships worse then there should be no regrets. With my father, he slipped and fell and died of a brain injury. Even though we did not get along, I had given him an 80th birthday party and when he passed, I could feel I did my part. In your case, you cannot beat yourself up that there was not an interactive attempt to patch things up.
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:56 PM   #8
Shara
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I am so sorry for your loss.
~Meredith
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
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Old 07-06-2011, 02:09 PM   #9
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I'm sorry for your loss and the emotional roller coaster it has put you on.
I understand the mixed feelings since my dad didn't like me and my sisters expected me to feel the same way as they did about his passing. Time heals these confusions. You have no need to apologize to your brother for not shedding tears for him to count; he needs to focus on his own feelings and you have the right to feel your own. Be kind to yourself and know that you did your best.
Love me; Love my dog
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Old 07-08-2011, 01:02 AM   #10
Momto3
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It is with mixed feelings that I post this - please don't think I'm a cold-hearted beeyatch. This morning I may have had an epiphany maybe? As I was facing another day I didn't want to greet the oddest thing happened. Into my head came the thought - there's no one left to hate me, to curse me, to cut me down and call me worthless and undeserving just because I was born unexpectedly. I may have lost two people in my family but those people hated me just because I was BORN! Is that really a loss? I felt such freedom from that thought that I don't know even how to handle it.
Sharon - Mom to Mozart, Monte, Merlin and Mylee! my boyz!
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